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It’s ongoing denial that’s dangerous because reality isn’t catching up with the fantasy.Some progress into anger and stay angry both with themselves and/or with the other party.Long-time readers will know that my ‘old way’ of dealing with stuff was basically not dealing with it.I’d will my latest hurt, anger and indignation to the back of my mind and lock it up for a few months with the idea being that when I eventually revisited it, the hurt would have dissipated.
Initially it was like a dam erupting (or like when my waters broke in labour and seemed to explode like one of those American fire hydrants – choose the image you prefer!
One of the things I’ve realised over the past few years is that things I procrastinate over for oodles of time take a shamefully small amount of time to do/address.
Like minutes or hours to do versus weeks or months of putting it on the backburner.
And that’s where I recognise where 1) you get ‘stuck’ and 2) why you ‘can’t’ unblock yourself.
This then becomes like “Well if I deal with my feelings about this breakup, it’ll remind me of another breakup and then remind me of when my father/mother abandoned me when I was 5.
If you keep playing out the drama in your head, coming up with plans or even trying to act upon them, you might go back to being angry or in denial.