Interesting dating profiles for women
Out of the nine men I spoke with, they fell into three categories — the defensive ally, the reflective “well, actually” historian, and the favorites purist — or some combination of those three.The defensive allies were rich in performative feminism, but dirt poor in empathy and uninterested in holding themselves accountable as even slightly less than perfect.While none of them called me names, they were quick to assume that I had made a truly despicable value judgement of them based on my one criterion.They would guffaw and list the women whose words they loved, and the work they had done to support women in the past, but they never even tried to answer the question of why none of those women merited a mention in their dating profile.I gratefully did walk out of the experiment without being called a B-, C-, or S- word which is more than I can say about some online dating experiences where I don’t even try to prod a sleeping bear.
So if they really did love a bunch of books by women, as they claimed defensively when I asked, why were they so shy to include them in a forum where they are explicitly trying to impress and attract women? While girls are often shown from an early age that the way to impress a boy is to like boy things, boys are just as often shown from an early age that the way to impress a girl is to…also like boy things.The foot we put forward when trying to date isn’t just our best foot; it’s specifically the one we think will be most appealing to our gender(s) of choice.And yet, straight men, even the most well-read men, often fail to list a single woman writer or book by a woman in their online dating profiles.When I was feeling particularly bold, I would ask the same of men I would otherwise be interested in, even if we had only matched and they hadn’t messaged me first. I matched with a handsome guy who quoted bell hooks in his profile but had a lady-less list in his books section. Luckily, most of the other men were surprisingly forthcoming.Responses were a mixed bag of thoughtful, defensive, funny, and long-winded.
Several said they hadn’t thought of it before, even thanked me for pointing this gap out to them.